Mediterranean Crustless Chickpea Flour Quiche

the taste space

While in NYC, I ventured to the Greenmarket Farmer’s Market at Union Square. As I drooled over the fresh produce (there were the most beautiful bundles of kale), I had to find my dinner. I ended up buying a farinata to go. The farmer told me it was one of his most popular items. Unlike my socca, which was a thin chickpea pancake with toppings, this was a thick slab of a crustless chickpea tart (almost an inch or more thick) with the toppings integrated right into the farinata itself. It wasn’t my best meal. In fact, it was my meal low-light since it was rather dry and crumbly. However, it inspired me to make something even better upon my return back home.

I bookmarked Ricki’s quizza (a chickpea flour-based quiche-pizza hybrid) this summer and it seemed to be exactly what I was looking for: a thick slab of…

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4/25/16

Dear God,

Some days are harder than others. Some days I experience more anxiety, loneliness, worry, stress, and just a lack of control and not knowing how much is going on in my own head. Some days I eat less, some days I eat more. Some days that affects me, other days it doesn’t.

God, I will trust you. I will put my faith and confidence and hope in you, for only you know what is going on in my life — the darkest, deepest parts, even if I don’t say anything. God, you know what’s happening; you know how broken and dirty I am. But you still LOVE me, and forgive me and continue to strengthen me. Thank you for your strength, your control, your path, your guidance, love, peace, rest, and joy that you give me every day. I find strength in you. I find my strength and courage only in you and through you. Help me to be pure, and even during this time of temptation — God, please help me. Keep me strong and focused on straying away from the temptations that come my way today, Jesus. I need you to come in and interfere with me and anything that is coming to me in a bad way. I know you heal. I know you heal. i know you lead. I know you guide, I know you strength. I need you, and only you. I only find rest and peace in you– Help me to know you and seek you more, seeking and experiencing genuine rest and peace.

I need you Jesus, bring peace to my heart. Bring rest and balance to my body; give me rest Jesus. Remind me to find value, worth, and comfort in You and only You. My values and worth are not based on society and what my world eyes/mind may desire and fight about, but rather in You.

You already have a plan for me, and I know I am anticipating a lot in the near future; UC’s final decisions last two come out by Friday, UW Public Health Major admissions notification some time this week or next week. I have so many assignments and midterms this week and next week. I just want peace God, and I can only find that peace amidst everything that’s happening through you and in You! Help me and strengthen me to focus my attention not on food or worldly things, negativity, or comparison but rather on you — being reminded of you gentleness, peace, guidance, and strength. I need your help.

I feel like I just have thoughts of food, health, body, exercise, nutrition, etc and other judgements in my head despite anything else I may be doing. But may I let go of any of those thoughts or judgments or perspectives so I can focus on you and be set free.

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE TO SET ME FREEDOM. I AM FREE BECAUSE YOU ARE HERE IN MY LIFE– YOU TAKE CONTROL AND I SURRENDER MYSELF TO YOU. TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE JESUS I NEED YOU.

4/8/16 Rejection from Phi Delta Epsilon

Good morning, it is currently Friday April 08, 2016 6:44AM and i have been up since 6AM, bright and early! I actually got REALLY excited to wake up today, as I have been the past few days. God is too good, and I am really really really really really x1000000 excited to see what God has in store for me.

I have been blessed to be able to see the sunrise this morning, actually most mornings. I have been blessed with great weather. I have been blessed with warming green tea, a safe home literally and figuratively where my heart and soul and body may find rest, I have been blessed with financial resources so I can buy the nutritious goodies I can provide for my body. I am thankful for being able to spread the message of God’s healing hands, love, great power and strength.

Yesterday, my stomach was a little rough after I ate lunch. I kept praying and praying, and moved around for a little bit and God totally healed me. My digestive tract felt SO much more at peace. Man, God is too good with His healing powers and hands ALL the time. Prayer always works too, and God does listen and respond ALL the time, even if not immediately.

This morning, I woke up to an email from PhiDE, a pre-medical fraternity, that I was interested in joining. They had RUSH/recruitment this past week, and honestly, I wasn’t even THAT up for it. If I were, I would have tried my best to go out to every meeting. However, even on Wednesday when I DID have the time, I didn’t end up going to the session because… I realized it wasn’t even that big of a priority to me. I’m also really humbled by the fact that I didn’t get accepted.

I did not realize how far in this journey of recovery I would have come, to be accepting and COMPLETELY all right with rejection. I’m actually REALLY humbled by this episode of non-acceptance, because may be God didn’t/doesn’t want me to be a part of that fraternity, or go through the pre-med track because my mentality/focus/purpose and goals in life/relationships may change. Maybe I would have changed too as a person, and maybe this recovery process would not have been so greatly continued if I were to join, who knows! Or maybe God made my decision to transfer to UC > UW (if i were to get accepted as a transfer to a UC). Who knows! Only God knows.

But I trust God. I trust that He knows what He is doing, I rest my heart and soul upon Him, for He already has things in plan for me. He set my future in place, and He makes all things work together for the good. So I will live day by day, enjoying every moment of it, living in Him and seeking HIM, and knowing that I will be all right because my value and worth in society does not depend on what I am doing or where I am. Rather, it’s through and in God. Here’s what I sent to my mom through kakao talk this morning in regards to the non-acceptance haha:

“I didn’t get accepted into the fraternity, 근데 totally 괜찮아요. Actually, 안 들어가서 더 좋은것같아요. 왜냐면 들어갔으면 i would have tended to pre-med again, and that would have made it more difficult to make my decision, trigger my anxiety/mental state back to what it was before, UC’s decisions thinking, 그리고..그냥 overall 새연이가 정말 뭘 하고싶어 하는가 몰랐을것같아요. Apply 할때 사실 a  part of me hoped I would not get in, for many reasons. God showed me that my value and worth in society/life is NOT on grades, fraternities/people, med school, etc… 그냥 새연이가 하고싶어 하는걸 최선히 다른 사람들 도와주고 사랑 spread 할수있다면… 새연이한태 충분해요. 이렇게progression 할지 몰랐네. But God has humbled me and set me my worth, so I do not have to worry about my place in the world. How humbling is rejection. 🙂 Maybe 들어갔다면 공부 할 시간도 덜 있었을거고, 친구들이랑 같이 놀 시간도 많이 없었을거고, 하고싶은 activities and events 못 했었을거고, UW vs UC 더 힘들었을것같고. Maybe God does not want me to be a part of pre-med, but something else. Who knows. At least NOW 오늘을 즐겁게 보낼수 있네~~ ^_____^ 좋은 하루 보내세요.

I hope this also brings peace onto your heart, as it has brought me so so much peace and humility and balance/resilience. I accept the rejection and still know I am awesome ㅋㅋㅋ”

Who knew I would come to a point in recovery/this journey in life where I am so humbled, accepting of not being accepted, and continuing to trust God — knowing that He has hold of my future/career/goals/life/heart and just… carrying on through life. I did not think I’d come to a point where I am this accepting of that fact … so soon. Well, God is always always TOO GOOD. Man, Hallelujah ! Now I shall have some yummy breakfast and get on with my day, perhaps going on a morning run and coming back home in time to review BIO a little before my BIO lecture!

 

–7:00AM

Thursday Quiet Time 3/24/16

Hebrews 1-2, (all verses)

This morning (late), I’m reading Hebrews 1-2 all the verses, and what really stands out is chapter 2 and the last portion of chapter 1.

Hebrews 1:10-12 // “10He also says, ‘In the beginning, Lord, you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. 11They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. 12You will roll them up like a robe; like a garment they will be changed. But you remain the same, any our years will never end.'” 

How beautiful iso that, the fact that God has created everything in the world with His perfect eyes and hands, in His genuine beauty and wonders — He made all things together for His good, and in every way whether bad or good thing in the world, may it be used and observed to serve His kingdom.

10–> God laid the foundations of the earth — He made everything; every speck and every grand thing on this earth, He carefully and attentively placed them where they are at the moment. And they were ALL by His hands. The Heavens — of the unexplainably beautiful Heavens are the WORK, CREATION, PRODUCT of HIS GLORIOUS PERFECT HANDS. Man, that really gets me SO excited to see how Heaven is like, if He says that the world, earth was made perfectly in His beauty and eyes.

11–> Everything in the world, social context, will perish. Nothing can satisfy us, nothing in this world can we seek and be genuinely happy. BUT GOD REMAINS — He will remain forever, and living with and through Him, we can be satisfied.. by just having Him.Nothing in this world whether people, objects, money, sex/relationships, friendships, productivity, you name it– can satisfy our lacking and weak hearts. Only in and through God may we find wholeness, genuine happiness, fullness, and satisfaction. Everything in the world will vanish and become old and “die off/wither away”, but He still remains, so holy and pure and … perfect.

12–> Things in life will change, things coming in and out of our lives all change CONSTANTLY. They may grow and then become worn out and wither away and need to be “refreshed” or “refurbished”, but God never changes and He shall remain JUST the perfect way He is for eternity… Wow that’s just so.. soothing and comforting.

And in Hebrews 2, the last big portion really got to me.

Hebrews 2:14-18 // “14Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death — that is, the devil — 15and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. 16For surely it is not angels he helps, but Abraham’s descendants. 17For this reason he had to be made like them, fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. 18BECAUSE HE HIMSELF SUFFERED WHEN HE WAS TEMPTED, HE IS ABLE TO HELP THOSE WHO ARE BEING TEMPTED.”

14&15–> Jesus was sent down in human form, made like us in the physical sense with flesh (body) and blood, in order that he may experience humanity– what we sinful humans go through on a daily, constant basis. He came down in human form in order to experience that suffering and pain and sins so we can be cleansed. So that we can be made pure once again, so that WE ourselves do not have to perish and continue to suffer the sins and pain of this world. He wanted to purify us and give us a second change, a renewal, and cleansing… so he suffered all that and died so that WE CAN BE SET FREE AND SUFFER NO LONGER UNDER THE RULES AND THINGS OF THIS SINFUL, SOCIAL WORLD/CONTEXT. Oh, my. That leaves me speechless and in AWE.

18–> Wow, just wow. He himself suffered when he was tempted, meaning… experiencing all the things humanity suffers and experiences daily, constantly…. So that he can help those who suffer through those things. Wow, …. like wow. There really are no words for me to explain/go further on this point. Just. Wow. unexplainable. Why, though why?! Because … love. God is love. He loves us so much that he sent his One and Only son, Jesus Christ, to experience all this and die for our sufferings and sins so that we can be made pure and come back to God and find rest. We no longer have to suffer, because we have been cleansed, forgiven, renewed. We can be and ARE set free, as we seek Him– the ONE AND ONLY SAVIOR, THE HOLY ONE.

The last verse, Hebrews 2:18 really gets to me especially with what I’ve been experiencing and challenged with for the past few years. Ed really isn’t that great, and I’ve overcome a lot and God has been helping me in His glorious, magnificent ways every day. He tells me that I no longer have to suffer the pain, the obstacles, the struggles, the challenges. I no longer have to feel so drained and tired constantly — physically and mentally. That He will free me from this “slavery/chained-feeling”, and He will help me fight through whatever comes my way. He knows how I feel, He is present in ME!! He sets me free, and I can finally find rest and reassurance in Him.

God, you are so glorious and I want to give you the highest praise and honor and glory. Wow, you are just ….. wow. I literally have no words to explain how much awe I am … of you, because of you, in you… wow.

12:02 PM Thursday, March 24, 2016