Good morning, it is currently Friday April 08, 2016 6:44AM and i have been up since 6AM, bright and early! I actually got REALLY excited to wake up today, as I have been the past few days. God is too good, and I am really really really really really x1000000 excited to see what God has in store for me.
I have been blessed to be able to see the sunrise this morning, actually most mornings. I have been blessed with great weather. I have been blessed with warming green tea, a safe home literally and figuratively where my heart and soul and body may find rest, I have been blessed with financial resources so I can buy the nutritious goodies I can provide for my body. I am thankful for being able to spread the message of God’s healing hands, love, great power and strength.
Yesterday, my stomach was a little rough after I ate lunch. I kept praying and praying, and moved around for a little bit and God totally healed me. My digestive tract felt SO much more at peace. Man, God is too good with His healing powers and hands ALL the time. Prayer always works too, and God does listen and respond ALL the time, even if not immediately.
This morning, I woke up to an email from PhiDE, a pre-medical fraternity, that I was interested in joining. They had RUSH/recruitment this past week, and honestly, I wasn’t even THAT up for it. If I were, I would have tried my best to go out to every meeting. However, even on Wednesday when I DID have the time, I didn’t end up going to the session because… I realized it wasn’t even that big of a priority to me. I’m also really humbled by the fact that I didn’t get accepted.
I did not realize how far in this journey of recovery I would have come, to be accepting and COMPLETELY all right with rejection. I’m actually REALLY humbled by this episode of non-acceptance, because may be God didn’t/doesn’t want me to be a part of that fraternity, or go through the pre-med track because my mentality/focus/purpose and goals in life/relationships may change. Maybe I would have changed too as a person, and maybe this recovery process would not have been so greatly continued if I were to join, who knows! Or maybe God made my decision to transfer to UC > UW (if i were to get accepted as a transfer to a UC). Who knows! Only God knows.
But I trust God. I trust that He knows what He is doing, I rest my heart and soul upon Him, for He already has things in plan for me. He set my future in place, and He makes all things work together for the good. So I will live day by day, enjoying every moment of it, living in Him and seeking HIM, and knowing that I will be all right because my value and worth in society does not depend on what I am doing or where I am. Rather, it’s through and in God. Here’s what I sent to my mom through kakao talk this morning in regards to the non-acceptance haha:
“I didn’t get accepted into the fraternity, 근데 totally 괜찮아요. Actually, 안 들어가서 더 좋은것같아요. 왜냐면 들어갔으면 i would have tended to pre-med again, and that would have made it more difficult to make my decision, trigger my anxiety/mental state back to what it was before, UC’s decisions thinking, 그리고..그냥 overall 새연이가 정말 뭘 하고싶어 하는가 몰랐을것같아요. Apply 할때 사실 a part of me hoped I would not get in, for many reasons. God showed me that my value and worth in society/life is NOT on grades, fraternities/people, med school, etc… 그냥 새연이가 하고싶어 하는걸 최선히 다른 사람들 도와주고 사랑 spread 할수있다면… 새연이한태 충분해요. 이렇게progression 할지 몰랐네. But God has humbled me and set me my worth, so I do not have to worry about my place in the world. How humbling is rejection. 🙂 Maybe 들어갔다면 공부 할 시간도 덜 있었을거고, 친구들이랑 같이 놀 시간도 많이 없었을거고, 하고싶은 activities and events 못 했었을거고, UW vs UC 더 힘들었을것같고. Maybe God does not want me to be a part of pre-med, but something else. Who knows. At least NOW 오늘을 즐겁게 보낼수 있네~~ ^_____^ 좋은 하루 보내세요.
I hope this also brings peace onto your heart, as it has brought me so so much peace and humility and balance/resilience. I accept the rejection and still know I am awesome ㅋㅋㅋ”
Who knew I would come to a point in recovery/this journey in life where I am so humbled, accepting of not being accepted, and continuing to trust God — knowing that He has hold of my future/career/goals/life/heart and just… carrying on through life. I did not think I’d come to a point where I am this accepting of that fact … so soon. Well, God is always always TOO GOOD. Man, Hallelujah ! Now I shall have some yummy breakfast and get on with my day, perhaps going on a morning run and coming back home in time to review BIO a little before my BIO lecture!