As I am writing this, I’m sitting in my desk that faces the window. I can see the skies, the trees moving, and how beautiful the cloudy weather is. I really love cloudy, gloomy weather. I’m not sure why, but it makes me happy and I find myself being able to work better in this type of weather. I guess that’s partially another reason why I want to go to University of Washington next year, even though it’s my safety/back-up school.
Lately, California has been so dry and sunny. But a change is really nice, once in a while I suppose. Why can’t California have more cloudy,gloomy, and rainy weather? That would make me so happy.
I think I started liking gloomy weather last year, when I was still with my ex-boyfriend. We met up a lot on gloomy weather days, and since my feelings for him grew, my love for the weather grew as well. Now every time the skies are cloudy and gray, I think of him–just a tad bit, not too much. He actually talked to me again quite recently to let me know he’s flying over to Boston for school. I really miss him and even though it’s nearly been a whole year since we broke up, my feelings for him never died away. From time to time, I think of him, I miss him, and I want to talk with him. But I know it’s not a good idea to have those feelings or desires, and let them take over me. It was really hard for me to get over the fact that we weren’t together anymore. It was hard for me to let him go. Even though it took me a while, and even though my feelings for him hasn’t completely gone away, I know it was for my own good (and his too, I guess) and I definitely am thankful for such an experience like that. I took my heart-breaking experience and exploited it in such a way that allowed me to see the positives, rather than the negatives.
For some weird reason though, I woke up today with a really weird/reminiscing feeling. I know he’s probably on his way or at the airport…or will be at the airport today to board his flight to Boston. I really miss him and I wish we hung out one last time before he leaves, but he told me we might be able to meet up once he gets back in the future, so I guess it’s fine.
I really miss him, I really do.
But I need to get over this.
Is it stupid of me to wish for something to happen even though I know it won’t?